This post is for you if you're carrying something someone did to you — something that still shows up uninvited when you're trying to sleep, or when you see their name, or when a similar situation brings the whole thing back.
Most people who look up Bible verses on forgiveness have already been told to "just let it go." More pressure rarely helps. What usually helps is a clearer picture of what forgiveness is, and what it asks of you.
So what does the Bible say about forgiveness? It says forgiveness is a choice to release someone from the debt they owe you and to leave justice in God's hands. You make that choice because God has already forgiven you (Colossians 3:13). It doesn't require an apology or renewed trust, and you may need to make the same choice many times before your feelings catch up.
Does forgiving mean what they did was okay?
No. Before looking at the verses, it helps to clear the ground. Forgiveness does not mean:
- That what happened was okay, or not that serious
- That you have to reconcile with the person who hurt you
- That you have to trust them again
- That you need to feel ready, or feel like forgiving, first
- That you'll forget it happened
These misunderstandings cause a lot of unnecessary guilt, and they keep many people stuck for years. The Bible teaches none of them.
What does forgiveness mean in the Bible?
The Greek word Jesus most often used for forgiveness is aphiemi — which means "to release" or "to send away." It's the word used for cancelling a debt, and it carries the sense of letting go of something that has been tightly held.
Forgiveness, in the biblical sense, is a deliberate act of release. You name what was done. You acknowledge the real hurt. Then you choose to stop holding them in that place, whatever you feel and whatever they do next.
Five Bible verses for forgiveness
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Ephesians 4:31–32Paul ties your forgiveness of others directly to the forgiveness God has shown you. He offers it as an invitation: the grace you've received is large enough to flow through you to someone else.
"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
Colossians 3:13Look at the standard: "Forgive as the Lord forgave you." God forgave you before you had put anything right. Forgiveness on that pattern doesn't wait for the other person to apologize or to deserve it.
"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."
Matthew 6:14This is one of the hardest verses on forgiveness to read, so it gets its own section below.
"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."
Luke 23:34Jesus said these words from the cross, about the people who had just nailed Him there. None of them had asked to be forgiven. He is both the model for forgiving and the One who gives you the strength to do it.
"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'"
Matthew 18:21–22The large number is deliberate: forgiveness is something you keep doing. You may need to choose forgiveness for the same person dozens of times before the hurt eases. Each time you choose it again, you are being faithful.
Does God only forgive me if I forgive others?
Matthew 6:14 can feel frightening, especially with the verse after it: "But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:15).
Jesus explains what He means with a story in Matthew 18:23–35. A servant owes his king a debt he could never repay in a lifetime, and the king cancels all of it. The same servant then finds a man who owes him a small amount and has him thrown into prison. The king is angry because the servant received enormous mercy and refused to pass on even a little of it.
So the order matters. God's forgiveness comes first, and it is a gift you could never earn. Forgiving others is how that gift shows itself in your life. A heart that flatly refuses to forgive has lost sight of how much it has been forgiven.
If you are trying to forgive and finding it hard, you are nothing like the servant in the story. Struggling to forgive and refusing to forgive are very different things. Keep bringing it to God.
Do I have to reconcile with the person who hurt me?
No. Forgiveness happens between you and God, in the quiet of your own heart. Reconciliation happens between two people. It needs both of them to take part, and it is not always possible or even wise.
You can fully forgive someone and still choose not to re-enter the relationship. You can forgive someone who has passed away. You can even forgive someone who has never apologized and never will. Your forgiveness doesn't depend on their response, or on them being in your life at all.
What if they keep hurting you?
Say a relative makes the same cutting comment at every family lunch. You forgive it on Sunday night, and by the next Sunday it has happened again. Does forgiveness mean you just keep absorbing it?
Scripture gives you room to protect yourself. When a crowd tried to throw Jesus off a cliff, He walked through them and went on His way (Luke 4:29–30). "The prudent see danger and take refuge" (Proverbs 22:3). Forgiving someone releases what they owe you for the past. A boundary decides what you will allow from now on. You can do both at once: "I forgive you for what you said, and if it happens again, I'm going to leave."
If someone is hurting you physically, threatening you, or controlling you, please hear this clearly: forgiveness never requires you to stay in danger. Get to a safe place and contact local emergency services or a domestic abuse helpline. You can work on forgiveness later, from somewhere safe.
What if I don't feel ready to forgive?
Many people wait to forgive until they feel ready. Forgiveness is a decision of the will, and the feeling of peace usually comes after the decision. If you're waiting to feel like forgiving, you may be waiting a very long time.
One of the most honest prayers you can pray is this: "Lord, I don't want to forgive this person right now. I don't have the will for it. Help me want to." That is a real beginning.
And if the hurt has been sitting long enough to harden into resentment, the post on letting go of bitterness continues from where this one ends. If the person you're struggling to forgive is yourself, what the Bible says about forgiving yourself speaks to that directly. And if you're not even sure whether you've forgiven yet, here's how to know if you've really forgiven someone.
More posts on forgiveness and letting go →
Common questions about forgiveness
Is it a sin not to forgive someone?
Scripture treats a settled refusal to forgive as serious (Matthew 6:15, Matthew 18:35). Struggling to forgive is different. If you are bringing the hurt to God and asking for help, you are already on the way.
How many times should I forgive someone?
Jesus answered Peter with "seventy-seven times" (Matthew 18:22), meaning there is no count to keep. Forgiving many times still leaves room to set boundaries with someone who keeps causing harm.
Can I forgive someone who has died?
Yes. Forgiveness happens between you and God, so the other person does not need to be present. Some people find it helps to write a letter to the person and then pray it through.
Do I have to tell the person I have forgiven them?
No. Sometimes telling them helps the relationship, and sometimes it would cause more harm or isn't possible. Forgiveness is complete once you have made the choice before God.
Why do I still feel hurt after forgiving?
Feelings usually take longer than the decision. The memory can stay while its hold on you weakens over time. Each time the hurt comes back, you can choose to release it again. The post on how to know if you've really forgiven someone goes into this.
Want to go deeper?
This post explains what forgiveness is and what it asks of you. It leaves out the slower part: working through your own hurt, step by step, with your own situation in mind.
That's what Released is for. A free, guided Bible study on forgiveness, with reflection prompts, a choose-your-response scenario, and a personal summary you can download at the end. It takes about 45 minutes.
And if the person you find hardest to forgive is yourself, Forgiven, the study on self-forgiveness, turns the same grace inward.